Fuck my job

I do not function well in an office. I can get by but it's really getting to me. I am thinking of quitting with or without plans for other work. I have some money saved for survival. I really want to jump in and see if I float. There has to be something out there that will be more rewarding than this gruel.

Goodbye blue Mondays is the illy nosh

I love gbm. The most positively creative place in NYC I've seen so far.

Bloginses

On the train back to bk. Visited Dba ( a bar I always think is called odb). Bought drinks at the library, no yeungling?!? The bartender not serving me had awesome leather. Off to gbm.

iPhone

There will be many misspellings in this blog due to Iphone's auto correct. This is a Psa. (It (the iPhone I'm using) kept trying to have me write PDA, har har)

Parkside Lounge

So I'm here at my local tavern. Well, I moved out a few weeks ago but it's still the alcoholic home base. Anyways, I actually gave my friend this blog address so I feel like I should enter something into the "sphere." There are dudes talking about tv and mend health *correction, yelling*, some girl testing on her blackberry to her friend, and Alex my favorite bartender. Looking back at my old entries, I remember how awful I felt. Well ladies and gents, my attitude towards life is much more bright. I walked the old haunt and felt this amazing positive feeling I haven't had in literally years without chemical enhancement. It's amazing how depression can take a hold of you and make you this monster. I guess it's just a phase and in the big picture I am kicking some ass. I think that's it. Reporting live from Nate's silly life, signing off.

Blarg

Blah blah blah societal pressure good or bad?to try or not? Sense or nonsense? Poem or crap? Scrubs? Zach Braf? How do you spell his name? How would you describe our culture today? I would say daunting. I am a scatter brain trying hopelessly to catch my smoke dreams. I need a balloon or a jar or something. I want to catch lightning. If you steal it, I'll catch it again. Sometimes you get fried by such efforts. Burnt to a crisp and one must make a cacoon to use their wolverine powers. Mostly this battle is unseen, hidden behind longing eyes. Lost in the world of the dead. Connected to the collective subconscious. Beaten down by the powerful trying to hold onto their fleeting throne. Deceptive trickster gremlins infesting your mind leading you the wrong way. Reminding you that you are a loser though you are not. Stabing you in the heart with their pin dived daggers in efforts it will bleed all the succulant juices. Goodbye assholes, hello enlightenment. Why bash a triangle into a square? It doesn't work. Lost the train of thought. Had to make a call. Beat. Dead. It's hard to vomit your heart onto someones plate consistantly. I see why artists are considered insane so often. Dealing with the emotional world is dangerous.

Intelligent Life

I don't agree with intelligent designs agenda to promote Christianity but I hypothesize that life around us is intelligent.

Being a Man

I never thought about how childish I am but my coworker sent me a link to theartofbeingaman.com and I really got something out of it. Boys these days aren't asked to be a man or to act manly. Movies like 40 Year Old Virgin and Step Brothers show this trend in our society. Many of us are afraid to out down the toys, stay at home, and get cracking on our dreams. Not just men either, women do it too but it seems adulthood is more glamorized for women.
I got a haircut yesterday. Not because I'm trying to fit in but because I'm casting away my childish thoughts about conformity. Fashion, style, and social norms are a very useful tool that I threw away as a young man. I did everything in my power to not fit in with any crowd, even the social outcasts. I wanted people to appreciate me for me and not my haircut or clothes. What I see now is that your physical appearance is simply a way to put someone at ease or to make them feel interested. There's a damned good reason why fashion is a huge and sometimes child abusive industry. It's very hard to get to know someone if you don't fit their ideals. It's not like I want to cater to everyone's needs but in order to better myself I need people to feel good around me. If people feel good that I have a nice haircut, smell nice, and wear decent clothes fine. I want you around and if that's the hoop I've gotta job, no problem.

I fucking hate it here

I can't sleep. I slept all day is the problem. I hate how noisy and annoying my apartment is. I am going to go get a beer at the bar. Fuck it. I am going to call the landlord tomorrow and tell them what's going on and that I want out. I hate this apartment. The lower east side is cool but I can't afford a decent living space in it. I require a calmer area to live in. I feel like I'm on a college campus around here. I hated college.

What the fuck

I hate stupid assholes that talk like fucking sirens on the train. Have you ever heard of being considerate of other people? You are delusional. Get tge fuck out of my face.

Sweet heart dog on the train

I love women strangers. I love how excited they get about a new guy. I used to try to stick with women and be around for them but apparently that's considered clingy these days. Sad, I know. When in Rome. So now I just marvel at how I can feel my nervousness and their nervousness around me. Trying to intimidate you with big dogs.

Need a new place to sleep

I hate my apartment. Expensive, small, loud, and to top it off I have crappy manipulative roommates. I am way too awesome to be in such a sucky situation. I like myself too much to see myself so depressed needlessly. I want a good posse. I want a crack team of amazingly good loyal and honest people surrounding me, I won't put up with anything less anymore.

Bench Seats

What the fuck is the deal with people and not wanting to share a bench seat, subway seat, train seat, or just being remotely close to a stranger. I understand that there are some messed up people in this world and you can't trust everyone but would it kill you to sit next to someone? How can any group of people have any power over our own land when we don't even trust each other? It makes sense to me that there has been so much corruption in our country because if we're divided in such stupid subtle ways we can be manipulated easily. It's so annoying to see some guy spread his legs out on the subway, claiming a whole bench just because it's kind of weird to sit next to a stranger. Grow up.

Holy Crap I am Tired and Annoyed

So I partied hard last night, got the number of a cute girl, saw some music, and in general had a good time. I got into work late but my boss didn't care. I just gotta make up the time. No prob. Probably not a good habit to be in. I want a new job badly. Being a musician is rough shit.

So, anywho, this dude invited me for a few beers after work. I was like, "cool, where?" he said just around the corner at that bar, you know that one. I didn't really think about how that made no frigging sense when he said it but I was cool with it. So, I had to stay late, I didn't leave with him. I walk around the corner and to go to the only frigging bar on that street and what do you know, he's not fucking there. So I think maybe I went to the wrong bar. I search on the phone for bars that may fit his incredibly vague description to no avail. Then I try looking him up on facebook but apparently there are thousands of people with his name. So I end up just walking to the train. Sucks. I kinda feel he was messing with my head. He's a self proclaimed sociopath.

Now that I'm on the train I kinda feel it's a bad idea. Why the fuck am I leaving the city? I need to be getting as many phone numbers from as many cute girls as possible. I guess the only reason I don't think it's a bad idea to go to my parents' is that I need to figure out my budget badly and I am so goddamn lonely in my apartment. I am so sick of NYC sometimes. The good times are really fucking hard for me to get for some reason. Fucking music degree and big dreams. Fucking classical music culture, sucks to find out instrumentalists are fucking insane. I think I want to be a composer. Fuck! I didn't bring my comp with me! It would be a great idea to write something down this weekend. I wrote a jazzy fusion head yesterday, I'm quite proud. I want to write it down.

Why the fuck are people so fucking loud on a fucking commuter train

I just got out of work people!!!!!

Fuck you annoying ass kid on the train that talks like his voicebox is a megaphone

Jesus this kid is so fucking loud. I'm tired and cranky and he's probably not so bad but fuck I want to strangle this kid right now. He's frigging doing impressions of Michael frigging Jackson in the highest pitch possible and annoying ass way. Fuck you kid with a Yankees shirt, basketball, wavy black hair, and darker skin. Fuck you, use your goddamned indoor voice. Didn't you go to kindergarten?

Ah, good, he's getting tired. Fuck, he's loud again with more annoying impressions. I really just want to tell him to shut the fuck up! Jeeze, I am in a bad mood right now. I need something to eat.

Fuck the Iphone

I can't believe I can't fucking blog through the web browser on this piece of shit. They have fucking blogging apps that you have to pay for or get stuck with this pos app that I can't even type in the horizontal style on. Fuck that!!!! Stop trying to make sheisty money, Apple, I really hate you for it.